Top 10 Ways To: Create A Shitty Blog and Be an Asshole

1. Pick a city and a generic descriptive term

Any city will do, how about Montreal. Maybe abbreviate Montreal down to something shorter and commonly used (eg, “MTL”). It’s best to describe what your site is to people in the name, otherwise people will have no clue what they’re looking at. For this reason, you should always label everything you own in a similar fashion. Paint the words “car” on the side or your car, tattoo “forehead” on your forehead, and if you run a blog, be sure to put that word in your blog’s name.

2. Hire chimpanzees to copy/paste articles from 3rd party sources

You can’t run a shitty blog without first hiring a pack of wild chimpanzees with no knowledge of writing or even how computers work. Hiring chimpanzees to fling feces and mash the keyboard is a great way to make a shitty blog.

3. Copy/Paste articles from 3rd party sources

Have these chimpanzees spend entire minutes looking at their Facebook feeds. Once they find something mentioning your chosen city (eg, Montreal), copy/paste the content onto the blog. Copy the entire article/gallery, don’t bother spending precious moments rewording or editing articles, editing photos, or doing anything remotely innovative; just copy it all verbatim. Be sure not to bother attributing any sources, or asking for permission to use the content, just steal it. Stealing content takes far less work. Chimpanzees can’t seriously be expected to be respectful to others or anything.

4. Fabricate headlines containing half-truths and outright lies

Your shitty blog wont get any traffic unless it has eye catching headlines. Who cares if what you write isn’t true, just tell your chimpanzees to make shit up! What’s that you say, “there was a tornado somewhere in Quebec?” Shit, you better write a headline that says it’s headed straight for Montreal! Who says click-bait is a bad thing? Look how many impressions you can get on your shitty blog, all by writing things that are completely untrue! Amazing!

5. Assemble a top ten list by aggregating various stolen material

  1. People love numbered lists.
  2. Just take a regular article and enumerate the paragraphs or sentences.
  3. Alternatively, you can collect a bunch of unrelated content from various sources and number them.
  4. This makes it seem like some actual time went into the article’s construction.
  5. It doesn’t matter that all you did was take a bunch of random shit and paste it together in a completely arbitrary fashion.
  6. This newly aggregated “article” is now a derivative work, congratulations!

6. OPTIONAL: Add some shitty commentary, chalked full of grummar and speelling mistacks

You don’t want to get sued for copyright infringement, so be sure to either add the worlds smallest attribution at the bottom of the stolen article. Alternatively, have your chimpanzees add a few words of commentary to the article! More derivative works are born!

Even though chimpanzees are probably just mashing the keyboard while writing their commentary, don’t waste precious moments spelling checking or anything, you’re too busy being asshole, remember?

7. Register a trademark for your shitty blog’s logo

Now for things to get serious, hire a fancy chimpanzee lawyer and have it file a trademark for your shitty blog’s logo. You can’t stand idly by and have other people using your selected city’s name (eg, Montreal), let alone the generic word you selected to describe your site (eg, blog) be used without your permission!

8. Hire chimpanzee lawyers to write Cease and Desist letters to anyone using generic terms in their site name

Once the trademark filing has been made, don’t bother waiting until your shitty blog’s trademarked logo has been reviewed and registered, you must become litigious immediately! instruct your chimpanzee lawyer to fire off as many cease and desist letters as possible falsely accusing them of Trademark infringement for using your blog’s generic name. It matters not that you’ve only applied for a trademark on logo and not the generic terms (eg, “Montreal” and/or “blog”, which are not even trademarkable in the first place), accuse people anyway! This will help let people know how much of an asshole you are.

9. Add filler

Making complete “top 10″ is hard, so just add some filler to pad the list.

10. Be an asshole

When someone confronts you for your bullshit, never back down or apologize. Instead, threaten them as much as possible, especially if/when you have no legitimate claim. This will create many new enemies, but hey, you’re trying to make a shitty blog and be an asshole, remember?